Third One This Month
by oomileena-chanoo
Summary: Gaara's being dragged to therapy by Temari and Kanky! YAY! Hints of NejiGaa but sadly, not an actual one. ONESHOT! FIRST FIC! Kind of a crack fic. Review if you want to! You had better want to. Rated for mild language.


**Milly: Aight! This is my second attempt EVER at writing a story!^^ So please say hello to…Third One This Month!!! Now Gaara, SAY IT!!!**

**Gaara: NO!!! Why do I have to say it?!**

**Milly: SAY IT OR NO COOKIES!!! **

**Gaara: FINE! XxMileena-chanxX does not own Naruto. If she did then yaoi would all but rain from the sky. -.-"**

**Milly: TO THE STORY!**

**Third One This Month**

"Gaara…" said Temari.

"No!" exclaimed Gaara, "I'm not going to a rapist!"

Temari sweat dropped.

"Gaara I'm not sending you to a rapist! I said a _therapist._" she explained slowly, "In that office, there is someone who can _help _you with your little…ahem…problem."

"I don't _have_ a problem!!! And therapist is just _the _and _rapist_ squished together! They're all pedophiles!" he shouted angrily.

Temari shot Kankurou a look that said, '_Will you please help me here?'. _Kankurou swallowed nervously and said,

"Gaara, if you don't go in there…I'll…I'll…take away all of your cookies! And even your ice cream!"

On Gaara's face, was a look of pure horror.

"You wouldn't have the guts," he said.

"Try me," Kankurou threatened.

"Fine. I'll see your stupid _rapist_. Why not see if _he_ will have a different ending than the _others_," Gaara said, with quite a scary look on his face.

Temari and Kankurou exchanged glances.

"Well come on then Gaara. The entrance is this way," Temari said, looking a little bit anxious now.

**GaArAlOvEsNeJiGaArAlOvEsNeJiGaArAlOvEsNeJiGaArAlOvEsNeJiGaArAlOvEsNeJiGaArAlOvEsNeJiGaArAlOvEsNeJiGaArAlOvEsNeJiGaArAlOvEsNeJiGaArAlOvEsNeJiGaArAlOvEsNeJiGaArAlOvEsNeJi**

The sand siblings approached the lady at the front desk. Or I suppose you _could _call it a lady. But would that really be accurate? It was in a dress anyway.

"Um, hello ma'am. We're here on an appointment for Sabaku no Gaara?" Temari said uncertainly.

The thing-lady typed something up on the computer and then smiled at her. It was scary.

"You're right on time. Dr. Sparrow's office is the one on the left. You just go right in!" it said.

Temari tried to smile at it, and then motioned for her brothers to follow her. Gaara glared at the thing at the desk. He didn't trust it because it reminded him of those evil TV shows for toddlers. Even _he_ couldn't explain how.

"Great! The one on the left huh? _They're all __on the left!!! _How are we supposed to find it now!" Kankurou complained loudly.

Temari shook her head.

"It's that one," she said, and pointed at it.

It was a door with fluffy pink clouds painted on it, and the words: Office of Cuddly Funness were printed in big colorful letters.

"I'm not going in there."

"Gaara…" warned Temari.

"Fine you evil bitch, I'm going!"

**NeJiLoVeSgAaRaNeJiLoVeSgAaRaNeJiLoVeSgAaRaNeJiLoVeSgAaRaNeJiLoVeSgAaRaNeJiLoVeSgAaRaNeJiLoVeSgAaRaNeJiLoVeSgAaRaNeJiLoVeSgAaRANeJiLoVeSgAaRaNeJiLoVeSgAaRaNeJiLoVeS**

The inside of the office was even worse than the outside. Everything was the hideous color of **yellow**. Such a blindingly bright color that it threatened to feed the sun its power until the sun got so big it engulfed the entire Earth in FIRE. Or at least, that's how it seemed to Gaara. He loathed the color yellow with a passion. Temari knew of her little brother's hate for the color and decided it was best to speed up their little session.

"Hello?" she called out hesitantly.

Then, the yellow chair behind the yellow desk turned to reveal a young man with long black hair that was pulled back into a ponytail. The first thing Gaara thought was, 'How dare he wear his ugly hair like Hyuuga! I ought to kill him just for that!' But before he could think anything else of the sort, Kankurou said,

"Are you Dr. Sparrow?"

The Doctor perked up immediately and said,

"Yes sir, I am Dr. Jack Sparrow. You must be my eleven O'clock appointment!"

"Jack Sparrow?" Kankurou said smirking. "Like the pirate?"

Dr. Sparrow ignored this comment and motioned for them to be seated on the couch.

Then he said, "So which one of you lovely children will I be therapying today?"

"Is that even a word?" Gaara scoffed.

"Him," Temari said while pointing hesitantly at Gaara.

"I see. You're a cutie aren't you! I envy the young lady that you'll decide to court someday!" Dr. Sparrow said, batting his eyelashes flirtatiously.

Gaara's eye twitched and he began to move his hand up. _ 'They're all pedophiles...'_ he thought angrily. Temari quickly pushed his hand back down and gave him a look. Gaara translated it to, 'Behave or we _will_ take your cookies.'

"So Gaara, it says here that you like to kill people. Is this true?" said Dr. Sparrow.

"Obviously," Gaara stated without emotion.

"I see, I see. So…why do you kill people then?" asked Dr. Sparrow curiously.

"It gives me purpose, and helps me to vent my anger against society," he said.

Dr. Sparrow gave a long, exaggerated sigh.

"Why do I always get the emo kids? Look at you, you're even wearing eyeliner! At least you're not an 'avenger' like the last one."

Gaara stood up and slammed his hands onto the desk.

"I. Do. Not. Wear. Eyeliner." he hissed, and squinted his eyes in anger, "It's called Insomnia you bitch!"

"Now I can see that you're angry," Dr. Sparrow commented, "But don't take out all of your misplaced anger on me! Here, lets try a simple exercise."

Gaara had started to calm down, and he sat back down onto the couch.

"Now I'm going to show you a few cards Gaara, and I'd like you to tell me the first thing that pops into that adorable little head of yours." he said.

Gaara's eye twitched again at the 'adorable' comment, but instead he said,

"If you make me do this, it will be the biggest cliché in the history of therapy."

Temari knew that Gaara was only being difficult and said,

"Just do it Gaara!"

Gaara crumpled up his nose in disgust but agreed anyway.

Dr. Sparrow showed him the first card.

"Blood," he said.

"Okay…" Dr. Sparrow mumbled, and proceded to show him the next card.

"Blood. Blood. They're all blood damn it," Gaara said monotonously.

"Okay, I know where this is going." Dr. Sparrow said, "But luckily I've already come to my diagnosis!"

Kankurou looked relieved that this wouldn't have to go on any longer. He could see Gaara's bloodlust in his eyes, and it had been steadily growing in the past twenty minutes.

"Really? What is it?" he asked.

Temari groaned and said, "It's not going to be a puppy is it?"

"Nooo…" said Dr. Sparrow.

He scribbled something out on his sheet.

"Gaara, I hereby diagnose that you get...Drum roll please…a girlfriend."

"What?!" Temari and Kankurou shouted.

They were shocked to say the least.

"Gaara's lack of being loved over the years is the reason that he's been killing people. So all he needs is a girlfriend and he will finally feel loved." Dr. Sparrow explained.

"This is perfect Gaara!" started Temari, "I'm sure we can find you a-"

"I'm currently in a very serious relationship," Gaara interrupted.

"W-what? With who!" Kankurou shouted.

"I can't believe you guys. Hyuuga comes to our house to pick me up for dates _all the time. _I assumed that you knew we were together." Gaara said in a very annoyed tone of voice.

"Wow Gaara…umm…Hinata's a pretty nice girl I guess," said Temari.

"Ew! You think I'm going out with _Hinata?_" he asked in a disgusted tone of voice.

"You aren't?" Kankurou asked.

"Yuck, of course not. I'm going out with _Neji._"

Gaara's siblings just stared at him. Dr. Sparrow cleared his throat.

"Well then. My fee is $200 per minute. I'm glad that I could help you with your problem,"

Gaara looked at him and said, "You did nothing. And you stole my Neji-kun's hairstyle."

Gaara then raised his hand and covered him with sand.

"Gaara can't we just talk about this?" he pleaded.

"No," Gaara stated.

"Fine then, I did steal his hairstyle! Ha! It looks so much better on me anyway!" Dr. Sparrow said conceitedly.

"Dude, that's not exactly how you grovel and beg for your life." Kankurou said.

"It's not?"

Kankurou shook his head.

"OH SH-"

"Sand coffin!" said Gaara.

Then he walked out of the office. Temari stared down at Dr. Sparrow's bloody remains.

"Poor guy," she said, "Third one this month."

"Yeah-Hey wait a minute! Does this mean that Gaara is GAY?!" Kankurou said.

**GaArAlOvEsNeJiXNeJiLoVeSgAaRaXGaArAlOvEsNeJiXNeJiLoVeSgAaRaXGaArAlOvEsNeJiXNeJiLoVeSgAaRaXGaArAlOvEsNeJiXNeJiLoVeSgAaRAXGaArAlOvEsNeJiXNeJiLoVeSgAaRaXGaArAlOvEsNeJi**

**Milly: YAY!!! Technically my first fic! **

**Gaa-chan: Why is my name coming up like this?**

**Milly: Because it's cute! ;3 Just like you!**

**Gaa-chan: I hate you.**

**Milly: LIES!!! Kay, review if you want to alright? I think it turned out pretty good so flames will be put out with this bucket of water, and then stabbed to death by the Spork of Doom! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!**

**Gaa-chan: YOU'RE the one that needs therapy.**

**Milly: Shut up! DX**


End file.
